Created on Monday, 26 October 2009 21:32
Ahh, office dating. Not only is it naughty & exciting, it's also dangerous and problematic. Do you really want to be known as the office bicycle that gives everyone a ride? Do you really want to be known as office trampoline that gives a good jump? No! All these things can hurt you for that office promotion.... or an easy work environment.
I'm not saying you should not have one... heck i'm sure there are plenty of office cuties at your workplace like mine... I'm saying you gotta be discrete about it. Even if you... ahem.... believe that they want to have a long-term relationship with you... and really aren't looking for some quick bang for the buck... and that you're special... and different.... really.
1. No Physical Contact.
Unless it's a handshake. No hugs! I know you've had a tough week, and you need that hug to REALLY get over hump day... just save it and do some humping after work. They call it hump day for a reason.... a reason I hope that has something to do with humping.
2. No Hanging Out With One Another.
Even at lunch! Any time you are around one another you are bound to be tempted to smack their ass or to make some fish kissy faces or something. Heck you probably be trying to feed one another all cutsie. Just save it and put something else in each other's mouths after work. I was thinking apple pie but you can think whatever you want.
3. No Talking To One Another.
Unless it's work related. I know you read the magazine article about how if you want some action at the the end of the day... you gotta stimulate their mind... you gotta get them all excited throughout the day until they just... can't... maintain themselves and BAM! It's hump day all over again. No, if you wanna do that keep it via chat or email.. if it's a secure line. And don't save your chat sessions ok? Quit leaving a paper trail... unless you want to sell it off to the department called "Penthouse Letters".
4. No Driving To or From Work Together.
Unless you have a carpool set up. I hate to break it to you... but people talk at work. And if you roll into work together... in one car.... and you live in San Francisco... and she lives in San Jose... the opposite side of work... they will talk. They will wonder. They will know..... it was hump day for you two last night.
5. No Late-Night Meetings.
Unless it's non-work related... and not at work. I know, you want to be adventurous and have mad hump-day-hump on your desk... in your cube... or in the company gym.... but c'mon. Do you really think you can get away with anything at work? They got cameras... and especially they got janitors. You know what? I bet I could have some great stories to send to Penthouse if I was a janitor. I could be that janitor that walks into a couple humping away and I can say "Oh don't mind me. I just wanna watch." I can make millions with my stories. Millions.
6. No Photo Postings on Facebook/MySpace/Twitter/f
The last and most obvious is don't leave a paper trail. I know... you are excited.... you went out clubbing... or drinking... took photos to remember the night... and so you post them... AND you decide to tag your little minx in one of the pictures. No! Don't do it! Don't you have like folder on your computer... marked "Private" or some special word that signifies naughty-ness? Hey, if I was with a hot coworker with nice-everything, I want people to see too... buttttttt.... don't do it!