Created on Sunday, 26 February 2006 00:00
I have decided that I will never be as good as the Enrique J's and their sex-inducing leg things, or Rodney aka "Rodchata" and his gravity defying Gumby moves in the dance of Bachata.
I have watched over and over again, to learn what makes these two dancers capable of making women weak in their knees or have them coming and asking for more dancing each week but alas...I have learned nothing except that sex equals Bachata...but Bachata is not equal to Jimmy.
I have danced over and over again, attempting to replicate what these two dancers have done...only to be met with disbelief by women who wonder how anyone like myself can be so bad...at something so good.
I have dreamed over and over again, to be able to dance like these two dancers but alas....I have dreamed nothing but nightmares of how I popped my hip the wrong way...only to send my partner careening to the floor...and unable to have children...ever.
Therefore, I have officially given up on dancing Bachata however not all is lost, to stop dancing would be an injustice to my heart.....nay......to my soul.
So I have developed a new type of dancing that would be similar to Bachata but without the expectations.
I will call this step...................
Wachata will have characteristics unique to it, which I will explain in detail.
1. There will be no touching of the hips, chest, or legs. In fact there will be no touching whatsoever.
2. If there is a need to touch between partners, touching can be only done at only the hands and even then there must be enough distance between partners where you can fit three people in between you.
3. Wachata can only be associated to sleeping, unlike Bachata being associated to sex.
4. Similar to the steps to Bachata, Wachata dancers can only go side by side but can never turn...just like two crabs duking it out on a beach.
5. The music danced to in Wachata will be from Irish folk music, not too different than the music danced by "Riverdance."
6. If anything, the music that one can dance to Wachata would be similar to Manu Chao's "Bongo Bong." Very jumpy like a Mexican flea.
7. There will be no need to leave "MySpace" comments on each other's profiles about the next Wachata dance together, because the dance will be so dull that one will never want to dance it again...ever.
I know, I know, it's all a lot to take in but given enough time Wachata will be as common as seeing Reggaeton played at a salsa club...it'll happen....well maybe.